In therapy this week we were talking a lot about what self-care looks like in different seasons of life. With my mental health journey over the last four years, self-care has looked like getting out of bed in the morning and making sure that I’m eating at least 3 times a day. It looked like making sure that my kids had everything they needed for their day-to-day and getting them to school on time. It was taking a shower, running a load of laundry, spending time with family/friends, and honestly just surviving every day. There are many seasons of life where this may relate to you - maybe you experienced a traumatic event or maybe you are in your first year of parenting where everything on your to do list seems impossible to get done.

I’ll be the first to say that I love a good “Self-Care Sunday”, but during these seasons the life self-care made me feel more stressed. Scroll on tiktok for just a few minutes and you’ll see lots of videos with #selfcare: doing face masks and gym classes and long baths. Sometimes these acts of self-soothing are just unrealistic when going through hard times. I’m at a point now where I can make time to move my body and to meditate every day - but it was not always this way. This trend of self-care has been used in hopes of feeling positive benefits, such as better physical, emotional, and mental health, a better overall well-being, and a feeling of being better equipped to manage stress. Although with this trend comes some confusion. The terms self-care and self-soothing are often mixed up, so let’s get into the differences!

Self-Soothing

When we think of the typical “self-care” ideas, we are actually thinking of different self-soothing ideas. That face mask, warm bath, and bottle of champagne are all included in this idea of self-soothing rather than self-care. Although, this doesn’t mean that we don’t need it! To survive, we need to self-soothe. Plus, it can be so much fun! Spending time on these self-soothing activities is absolutely ok (and I definitely recommend it), but it’s important to remember that they are probably only going to make you feel good for so long. The truth is, the only way to better yourself overall is to do a little digging with self-care!

Self-care

Self-care isn’t as pretty as self-soothing. Self-care is often deep, and it may even be difficult at times. It’s all about digging down to your core and taking care of yourself from the inside out. Although this process can look different for each person. For some, this could meal eating intuitively and changing your mindset to think of food as a source of nourishment, rather than the big scary monster that some make it out to be. For other, it could mean changing the way that you speak to yourself so that you only say kind, self-respecting words. Self-care isn’t always the “rainbows and butterflies” that some make it out to be. There will be days that you fall off your self-care, and that’s ok! It’s a lesson that takes time to learn, so be patient with your progress. This process is deeply personal; dig deep to find what part of yourself needs the most self-care.

Self-care and self-soothing are terms that are often mixed up, but are also both essential to our wellbeing. Whatever season of life you’re in, remember to take out of each day to reflect on your own needs. Your inner self will thank you!

What are some of your favorite self-soothing activities? Let me know in the comments below!